ちゃりすの色々やってみるブログ

50代から苦手をなくしワクワクする人生を送る方法 -How to enjoy life after 50-

Parting with my youngest

Camblyでエッセイをチェックしてもらう

ステイホームGWはたっぷり時間があるので、毎日レッスンを受けることにしました。

ちゃりすは週1回30分レッスンというプランにしています。

週1回以上、追加でレッスンを受けたかったら、追加ミニッツというチケットを購入すればOK。ちなみに、初回登録時に確か15分?その後途中で接続が切れたり、トラブルがあった時に支給された分が合わせて105分あるので、毎日15分ずつ、使っていこうと思います♬︎♡

 

 

本日のエッセイ

(This is about my youngest who left home for work in April)

 

I was devastated more than I expected at parting from my youngest

-> この言い回しは大げさか不自然なことはないか聞いてみましたが、大丈夫と言われました。単にwhen he left homeでもいいけれど、よりemotionalだとのこと

 

I didn’t imagine how difficult it is to handle this

I managed to fight back sobs in front of him

Because I didn’t want to be a burden to him

I have experience with my mom, who always gets so emotional

Once she said to me, after I left home for college, “I missed you so much I was crying all night after you left“ and that made me feel uncomfortable

She always sobbed in front of me when I visited my parents’ home and returned to my house

It made me feel blue so I didn’t want to visit their home

There were other problems with them actually…but that’s another story

So I didn’t want to behave like my mom

 

The day after he left, during work, I was sobbing before I knew it

The memories with him flashed back regardless of time and place

I was lucky I stayed home teleworking due to the COVID-19 policy

 

My youngest was skinny and frail

He was a mom’s boy, and always asked me “Carry me! Pick me up!” during walking or shopping

He didn't want to leave my side when I was around

He wouldn’t stay away from me

But I was a busy working mom, and couldn’t afford to enjoying time with him enough

I’m regretting not sharing pleasant time more with my sons when they needed my attention

I should have been a more affectionate mom

 

As a kid, he was a curious, smart, cute little thing

Looking back, I should have praised him more, encouraged him more so that he could enjoy life more

He had difficulty mingling with others after he went to middle school

I suppose it’s so-called peer pressure?

I knew what he was going through because I had a similar problem myself when I was young

But I didn’t want to admit he was similar to me

I didn’t want him to be like me

So I didn’t try to help him handling those problems

I blamed him when he was lazy not studying at all and reluctant to go to school

I should have been more considerate and compassionate

 

We argued a lot, sometimes we had really ugly arguments

He was complaining about everything

Sometimes I hated him seriously

I know he hated me too

But now we are joking and laughing together

We are forever mom and son

————————————————————————————

There is more to this story.

Actually, now he’s at home because he was instructed to wait for a while due to COVID-19.

It’s been two weeks since he got back, and he’s playing computer games all day doing nothing productive so I’ve started to feel annoyed seeing him messing around.

So I guess this quarantine period is a great opportunity to get over the empty feeling I had after he left.

 

チューターさんとおしゃべり

Very well written. I can feel with it.とおっしゃっていただきました(*´ω`*)

まとまりのない文章ですが、巣立つ息子を送る母の気持ちは表現できていたようです·····。

その後、子育てに関するおしゃべり。

長男との別れを思い出すわー。突然出ていくことになって、喧嘩別れみたいになって出て行ったけど、今でもとっても仲良しよ。これからは母と息子ではなく、友達みたいな関係に変わっていくわよ。とのこと。長男さんは、もう50歳だそうです。いくつになっても、息子は息子ですね...。

 

ダメダメ母で、後悔ばかりの子育てでした。これからは子供の重荷にならないように気をつけたいと思います( ̄▽ ̄)